Crossroad Decision Making

I have spent the last month interviewing with an amazing Consulting firm! I applied to a job on LinkedIn that looked cool at the start of the year. My attempt to make sure I did not put all my career (and financial) eggs in one basket. I was starting to feel the pressure of hemorrhaging money (albeit planned, still tough to see that savings account dwindle). Like all good worker bees in the new year I made sure to apply to some full time jobs.

I got a first interview with the recruiter. She was awesome! So easy to chat with. I loved how I showed up. I felt confident and articulate. Not perfect, but at ease. This is not a small feat for me (read other blogs on self-regard, anxiety, imposter syndrome)…. So when she asked if I wanted to continue, my answer was “of course!”. The firm does work with organizations I am really passionate about, the culture seems to be exactly what I am looking for. All signs point to coolness. Met with two other consultants who work there and the managing director. Supers mart people. Unpretentious. It was everything one would want in an interviewing process! Nirvana does exist!

In the meantime my business is slowly but surely taking off. I signed a client, the group coaching program I created has participants. Things are happening! Will I ever earn the same money, unlikely, although my husband says, ‘yes and more’. The safety of working for someone else pulls at me. Having a regular paycheck I can count on, please… But working at least 40 hours a week, hummmm, putting aside, or at least not going all in, on where may passion and energy has been for the past few months, I don’t know. It is an amazing embarrassment of riches. Mind you, I hadn’t been offered the job yet, but I felt confident and wanted to be clear on what I thought before any offer.

True to my usual process I created a list… pros/cons. Well the pros of taking this job from a numbers perspective outweigh trying to do my own thing, hands down. Stability. Money. Team. Variety of work. Passion projects. Yes Yes Yes. BUT…. I don’t wanna…..I let my heart lead. I decided to keep going with the path I am on. Even with the lists, trying to be objective, I didn’t let fear or my anxiety of “what if I can’t do this” take hold. I let my heart and intuition drive my decision making, not the numbers. My mantra in life has been regret the things you did, not the things you didn’t do. This brought me to Spain for a year. Leaving a job to go to Rome for a summer. Getting a masters. Having my daughter. Taking charge to smooch a man who would turn out to be husband (guess I knew that). So far I haven’t regretted any of those things.

If this company had come into my purview while I was still at my last full time job, and I had not experienced the joy and satisfaction (and even a bit of success) of being independent, I would have definitely loved to have join this great consulting firm. It would have been a different dream come true.

Sometimes we just have to throw caution to the wind, follow our hearts, and take the risk.

“If it excites you and scares you at the same time, it probably means you should do it.” ~Unknown