What the heck is that??? A friend of mine called me yesterday upset because word “got out” she was sighted at the human resource offices earlier in the week. She had a flurry of people come up to her over the next few days, using the same silly phrase… “I heard a confidential rumor you were in with HR the other day”. ‘Clearly we all discussed it behind your back and came up with this silly phrase to approach you and make you uncomfortable.’

First of all, I thought HR was suppose to be a confidential place. Maybe “HR” (the mysterious figure behind the black cloak) needs to find a new office or a new way for people to engage. If the world is going to know employees are coming to see you, I suspect they wont! Not breeding too much of a speak up culture…

But what this really triggered for me is, ‘Why are some people bullies?’. Are they bullies? Are they nosey? Everyone knows HR is confidential, so why are you sniffing around for more confidential info. I might also add in this particular situation my friend is 1 female out of 30 men. A red flag I can’t even get into….If you genuinely want to help or care about what is going on with someone, why not start there? “Hey, checking in with you making sure everything is ok. ” “If you ever want to talk about something, have a thought partner, my door is always open…” Or “hey wanna grab a coffee?” Not… “I heard a rumor about you…” “Hey I know this is confidential, so I shouldn’t be talking about it, but I am going to say ‘confidential rumor’ to open up a can of worms about something I know I shouldn’t be talking about…”. What is this “high school mean girls?”

Here is my advice… have authentic conversations with people. Leverage your emotional intelligence to engage in the situation appropriately. I do genuinely believe that people come with positive intent. But when I hear things like ‘rumor’ or ‘confidential’, my cackles are raised… We have muddled knowledge and power. If I have more knowledge about what is happening within our ecosystem I am more powerful in the hierarchy. Yes, knowledge is power, so educate yourself of course, but not about others personal matters.

What’s your take? Do you think people are nosey? Do you think they genuinely care, or are wanting the information for their own purposes? Have you ever heard this phrase, ‘confidential rumor’ before, and if so, what does it mean for you?

I was chatting with a brilliant friend the other day, extremely distinguished in her field of mental health and organizational psychology, and as we were laughing about our “life whoas”, we came up with the term “emotional vitamins”. What are the vitamins you take to maintain a healthy balance of your emotions? At times we are all going into the eye of the storm of places and people that test our emotions, and need to keep our immunity up. We take vitamins to keep the physical immunity up so we don’t catch a cold, but what do we take for our minds? Some swear by herbal supplements and oils, jolt of Vitamin D from the sun does a mind and body good. What do you do to keep your emotional immunity up?

For some, the benefits of exercise, sleep, healthy eating, meditation are great mind body equalizers. I know when I don’t work out my mind gets “wonky”, that’s the clinical term. I heard a NOVA special on marathon running years ago (like 15ish) and one thing that stuck with me was a psychiatrist saying that running just 8 minutes releases the same endorphins as taking a Prozac. This concept has helped me get up and go for a 1 mile run, when my physical body is not wanting to be a half marathon runner any longer. Today (literally today) it helped. I weaned off my anti anxiety medication about 8 months ago (in hindsight probably not the best timing with starting a new career, going through a life changing move, and the COVID home thing… but whatever). Staying physically active has been the game changer in helping me maintain stability. My Peloton is in storage so I had to talk myself back into running. It was hard… not just the physical aspect of it, but the part that I told myself if I wasn’t training for a half marathon, running at least 6 miles every time I went out, then it wasn’t worth it… Uh hello! That doesn’t make sense… so I reminded myself of that NOVA special and said “1 mile is better than 0”, and poof, game changing reframing.

Most of my therapists (and I’ve had 4 over the years) have encouraged me to journal. Get all that rumination out on paper. When you see it out there and re-read it, it demystifies everything going on in the head. I admit, I am inconsistent and have not successfully put a sustainable practice into action. BUT, it is why I LOVE this blog. I thank you for granting me the space and encouragement to share myself and get my thoughts out on ‘paper’. It has really helped me purge what I am pondering or struggling with by being able to write in what hopefully is a structured, authentic, positive, action oriented manner. My hope with this blog is 1) selfish, see above, but 2) whatever I write spurs thoughts and dialogue for those who read. Not to be right, or an expert, but to generate a discussion (internally or externally).

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. ~Henri Bergson