I saw this and thought, yes, you are speaking to me! It has taken me a VERY long time (close to 40 years, I started feeling the need to be perfect at around age 4) to be okay with not being perfect. I have three core values, and coming it at numero uno is PEOPLE FIRST. Part of this value is the desire to meaningfully connect with others. It is why I love the work that I do. It is more important to me to connect, than to be perfect. I don’t always say the right thing, actually a lot time I don’t…but my intention is to be genuine, to be authentic. To relate.

Another reason this speaks to me, is I observe the desire for perfection in the workplace gets in the way of progress. Working endlessly to get the deliverable to be perfect. News flash, it will never be perfect to all your stakeholders. Collaboration is key, and like you everyone else wants to put their stamp on it too. We do need to find the good enough. Or as I like to say “is the juice worth the squeeze”. Is the amount of effort you are putting into something to get to a place worthy of the masses, good enough to move forward. Is what you are trying to elicit from others coming through or you are overly concerned about the perfect shade of blue to express yourself? How much is too much? Are you connecting on the message or over-engineering it because of fear? I challenge you to ask yourself for every deliverable, every presentation; what is the feeling I am trying to elicit with this piece of work? Am I there? Or will an extra 20 hours of agony make it that much better? It is also how I feel about wine. Is the $80 bottle of wine 4 times better than the $20? 9 out of 10 times the answer is nope.

Being okay with the imperfection and striving for connection is also a reason why I don’t have anyone proof-read my blogs before I hit publish. I am ok with a typo, a grammatical error, or whatever signifies imperfection. If a reader is going to be stuck on that, then they probably are not the person I am looking to connect with. You feel me?

“Communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an exchange of our humanity.” ~ Sean Stephenson, Get Off Your “But”

I know right, so simple. We are taught this early on, “share your toys” with friends, “share snacks at lunchtime” (pre-COVID of course, don’t do that now), “what’s mine is yours”, “its better to give then to receive” (I am not sure I totally buy – no pun intended – that one). One of things I have found to be my greatest superpower is the power of vulnerability. To share what is going on for me, to share what I am feeling, what I am or have struggled with, what I am scared of, what my hopes and dreams are. I’m inspired to keep doing so when so many people say ‘oh gosh, I am so glad you said that, I was feeling the same way’, and either they couldn’t articulate it, were to afraid to say it aloud, or it was deeper down there and they weren’t ready to ‘go there’. That’s a pretty powerful gift to open the door so people know they are alone, they aren’t a leper in how they are feeling or thinking.

Part of coaching is sharing; sharing my experiences, my thoughts or feelings on a topic. But more so it is creating a safe space for others to share without judgement. This is why I love what I do and why I believe coaching has a profound impact on people. No agenda needed, just meaningful connection on shared experiences (of course there usually is an agenda/goal). The current phrase I hear which resonates, ‘we are in the same storm, but we do not all have the same boat’. True. And when we articulate our experiences others feel connected. Empathy is how we make connections with others. To do this is to listen, relate, and share.

Everyone is talking about the crucial skill for leaders to be empathetic. Empathy is a skill which can be learned, a muscle to exercise. Now we can’t just walk around and say “empathy is important”, or mandate leaders ‘be empathetic’, we need to feel it to believe it. We need to experience empathy from others, especially those with power, to relate to us for it to be embedded in the culture. This is 2 parts listening from leaders, 1 part sharing. As leaders role modeling is hugely impactful. Sharing yourself is a brilliant way to create space for others to see that it is ok to be human, to be vulnerable. How are you sharing yourself with your teams? How are you getting comfortable sharing (and not oversharing, see other blog)? What feels comfortable to share, what doesn’t? And why? Like any new skill that you have not practiced, sharing yourself takes courage to step out of your comfort zone, to try it, and to make mistakes (too much, not enough, goldilocks), especially when the stakes feel high and we are all going through ‘stuff’. Take a step, not a leap. Start working that sharing muscle like we were taught in school.

Here is your Disney, kid-like moment of joy, a song on sharing from T.O.T.S. Sometimes It’s More Fun to Share. In case you missed the memo, I am also a mom to a young one. Happy Friday Eve!