Seriously! I seasoned and baked a chicken. I know, you are thinking “so what, I cook every night, that is what most adults do.” Well I did not… The running joke with my family is that I make a “mean reservation”. Before Andrew came into my life feeding me appropriately, I ate cereal, frozen pizza, and the occasional mediocre grilled cheese. Two weeks after I quit my job, I thought, %$*! I am going to have to start pulling my weight in the dinner department. I couldn’t call Door Dash on the nights it was “my turn”. One does need to mindfully budget when you have no income. So, I asked Andrew to show me how to make a chicken. After he stopped assuring me it was not necessary and he enjoyed it, he acquiesced. I got so carried away I even made my own martini! Yes at 40, both things were a “never before seen” occurrence. I would tell Andrew “when someone else makes it, it just tastes better.” All you master chefs out there are thinking, “well she clearly has never known the satisfaction of eating a feast you prepared,” and you would be correct. And up to now I didn’t really care! I still don’t care. But it did get me thinking, did I not enjoy cooking, was I too lazy, too scared to not do it well, or what was the deal? So many hang ups, so little time. Well 5 weeks later, I do not like making chicken, but I have enjoyed making other quick (non-slimy) food things, and I do prefer making my own martinis, but don’t tell Andrew, I would still like the option in my back pocket.

Although I am supposed to be figuring out what I want to do for the next 20 years I am reflecting that all the jobs I had before the age of 20, are the skills I am harnessing today being at home with my first grader. Day camp counselor! Arts and crafts (also known as “arts and farts and doody darts” – am I allowed to say that here?), story time, tennis instructor, soccer/tag/red rover player, lifeguard. Swim instructor! Our pool opened…. There is good reason one should not teach their own child how to swim. My kid is a fantastic swimmer, but trying to get her to use the proper strokes, WHAT WAS I THINKING? Bagel shop attendant! In addition to bagging and ringing, we were the occasional short order cook, making the egg, ham, cheese bagel sandwiches. I mentioned I was a former Jew from New York, the bagel store I worked in was not kosher…go figure. Getting a 6-year-old to have a balanced meal, at times I do feel like a short order cook. Master snarky eye roller! That one I did pro bono for my parents as a teenager. Bargaining with my daughter to complete her work, when the teacher is not right in front of her, has certainly made that glorious skill reappear. Dance teacher and tutor. Self-explanatory. Telemarketer! Yes, I was a telemarketer, hardest job ever at the ripe old age of 14. Turns out, it is my favorite thing to do. Listen and talk. Listen to what people need and try to see if what I can offer them fits what they are struggling with. Could this be it? I may be onto something. It sounds like I am trying to make a career out of being a good friend… What do I have to offer? I have experience. I have authenticity. I have empathy. I have passion for people having energizing careers. I have…. *thinking, thinking, finger tapping…. *

Every organizational specialist, resume writer, recruiter, even a good manager, will tell you not to take for granted all the skills you have learned over the years, especially the ones early on. In every experience there is always something to take away. It may be hard skills or hard lessons, but many of them resume and interview worthy. There is a whole industry on translating the amazingly vast and relevant skills people learn in the military to corporate speak. But why do so many of us (dare I say women) find self-promotion so hard? Is it ego, or lack thereof? Fear of being viewed as pompous? How can we be bold? – without lying of course, that always comes back to you… do not ever fudge your resume or experience – But I am talking about being confident in knowing the skills you have amassed demonstrate character and future ability. I quickly learned as a manager, I would rather have someone on my team who demonstrated they resourcefully learned something new, have critically problem solved, and are a solid person and team player. Hire character, train skills. Let’s make sure we are looking at how people show up, not just what they get done. Character matters. It isn’t only about what we get done, but how we get it done. I made a chicken. My character allowed me try, then experience told me I didn’t like it. The jury is out if whether I was any good at it, but no one fell ill. Now the martini, that was the right pairing of character and competency. Bartender maybe? I’ll ask my stepdaughter to train me.

Happy Friday Eve!

Yup that’s right, I quit! I quit a company that provided me a lot of opportunity, a lot of security, a lot of vacation time, and a lot of money – let’s just say when the restaurant reviews showed $$$$ that didn’t scare me – I wont share what I actually made, as that is considered declassee in polite society, but let’s put a pin, for now, on the fact that not sharing our salaries only helps the companies we serve to continue being non transparent… Back to me… so yes I quit a job and company that many of us in that organization humorously refer to all the massive benefits and security as the “golden handcuffs.” That is hilarious! Oh wait… think on that for a second… unless you’re into S&M (for the record I am not), I am not sure I want to be handcuffed.

What was the reaction? Well it depended on who I spoke to…”sounds like you are giving up,” “I am sure this is all part of your master plan,” “I don’t think you will be okay without buying new handbags,” “I am sure you and your husband have discussed this”… that one was probably the most insulting, although the handbag one was a close second.

The good news is at 40 I have wisely surrounded myself with wonderful, inspiring, positive people whose reaction was what I focused on. “I am proud of you,” “you are brave,” “I am jealous” (yes I do think many people would make the break if they could), “I can’t wait to see what you do,” “you are inspiring.” Now these are the voices we all need to listen to. If you don’t have a few champions in your corner, call me! I think you are fabulous! We all need the positive ones to be louder, closer, and more frequent than the negative ones. It would be great if we can give that to ourselves. Sometimes I can, but I sure do appreciate the reinforcements. The negative ones have a tendency to stay in my head much longer, so I am working on flipping that narrative. Appreciating Therapy Since 1994.

How do I free myself of the “golden handcuffs?” What was funny at first, the great justifications, “I can retire at 55,” “I get to take all these great trips,” was now becoming a chasm as my dissonance grew. I have another 15-20 years to work! You know what “they” say, when the discomfort is great enough, you will make a change. Little by little I started to chip away that my career wasn’t about the “path of least resistance,” it was about the path that was sure not to fail. I was making a choice about my career because I was afraid. Afraid to be bold, afraid to put trust in myself, afraid to fail on my own. Fear is a powerful motivator. We do things both in our best interest and not, because of fear. The hard part is figuring which one is which. As the dissonance grew I had no other choice than to try. So here I am, giving it a try. “Face the fear and do it anyway.” I am trying to live my life with the mantra of “I want to regret the things I did, not what I didn’t do.” That mantra may have started while I was in college being more promiscuous than necessary, so no regrets….right….I’ll ask my college friends to write a post on that Arizona State scene someday. I don’t regret skydiving either, but I don’t need to do it again.

It’s been 8 weeks since I made the decision, not long in dog years, but the outpouring of support has been amazing. My husband quickly got over the fact that “he was suppose to be retiring” not me, which I reminded him I am taking a sabbatical, not retiring. 15 years ago when Andrew and I hitched our wagons together, I assured him I did not want children and my focus was all on travel and aspiring to a glamorous career. Whoops! Good thing he is open to change and understands our desires from life change over time, and that is what makes life interesting.

My mom tried to teach my sister and I, “do what you love, and the money will follow.” Let’s hope she is right. To date I have done what I am good at, it paid the bills. Here’s to all of us doing what we love, and paying the bills. In case you don’t have this song in your “feel good” playlist it is a goodie to keep on trying and take those risks.

Oh and for those of you wondering, “sure easy for her to say, her husband will support her.”.. incorrect. I am Ross from Friends, circa 1999, 25 cents of every paycheck goes into savings. This is my rainy day fund time. Or better put, my sunny day fund time to enjoy, listen, learn, decide, and take risks. One of the many amazing gifts being partnered with someone 26 years my senior, is I recognized early on in our relationship that we would not be in our 80s swinging on porch swing together sipping lemonade, or in our case tinto de veranos. No waiting for retirement to enjoy our life together. That isn’t my plug to spend all your money and don’t save for retirement, no, no, no, but it is my plug to not wait and slog through the days with the dream of a glorious retirement. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.